Friday, October 19, 2007

busy, busy, busy

There's so much to share, and none of it photographic. Sorry. (I know I keep saying that, but I really mean it.)

Last Saturday I celebrated the 17th anniversary of wedded bliss with Himself. "Celebrate" is rather loosely applied, but it has been 17 lovely years. I didn't get around to mentioning that last week since my posting has been so erratic, but I thought it deserved a mention. When we met, he was holding down some crappy job to pay his bills so that he could be a Rock Star. I was a college student struggling with severe depression. After two years of dating we decided to get married. My family was pretty stunned. While they loved my man, they did not see him as spouse material. I think they were envisioning an older, filthy rich man would would adopt the entire family and set us all up in a gigantic mansion, etc. Or something, I really don't know. It just wasn't a musician.

They freely and enthusiastically admit praise him for the wonderful husband and great father he has turned out to be. I think they misjudged us both. I also think they see that now. I hope I can remember this lesson (at least let it give me hope) in the future when my girls are introducing us to their young men.

Thanks for a wonderful 17 years, mo chroi, here's to at least another 17!

Another bit of potential change in the air is on the job front. I have been searching for a new job for the past 6+ months, with no luck. I have applied for dozens of jobs and can't even get an interview. The job market here is really tough for librarians. If you don't already have a job in the system you're applying for, you can't get an interview or the job. Since I'm trying to get into a new system, I'm pretty much out of luck.

Himself has decided that, in all reality, we can probably afford for me not to work anymore. Probably isn't really good enough though, so I'll be spending some time in the next few months looking at our budget/expenses and trying to determine if this is something we can really do. I'm very nervous about it. I've never not worked. I haven't been dependent upon anyone besides my mom since before we married. What if I suck at staying home? Although goodness knows I have yarn enough to keep me going for years!

My biggest concern is taking the girls out of daycare. I know this is a bit backwards, but they have been with the same family since they were babies. They've grown up with the other kids since they were babies. The family who provides the daycare are called 'Grandpa' and 'Auntie', etc. and are very much like extended family to my girls. If I take them out of that, they will lose people who are like family. I worry about that loss in their lives. We live 2,000+ miles from real family, so it isn't like there's something else to fill that void.

Himself thinks I'm nuts. I just want to do the right thing. If I take them out, there will be new kids in daycare and they can't go back there if things don't work out. I told Himself it would be much easier if we just moved someplace completely different where everything was new. Then it would be part of one big change instead of big isolated changes.

I guess I'm really crazy here, but I can't help worrying about this one. Maybe I'm just burying my "real" fears under this one. I don't know, only time will tell I guess. First things first. I have to find time to do the budget thing to make sure it is even possible.

Wish me luck!

1 comment:

Michelle at Boulderneigh said...

Wow. BIG changes looming as possibilities on your horizon. I "stay at home" (I say that tongue-in-cheek, because sometimes it seems we're not home that much) with our son, and can't imagine having had ANYone else raise him the majority of his waking hours since birth. Not that I haven't daydreamed about how delightful that would be at times! I agree with you; it seems moving to a totally new area might make the transitions easier -- or much, much worse! I have no wisdom for you in this, only empathy....